Judith Sclar obituary photo
 
In Memory of

Judith Sclar

July 30, 1930 - September 15, 2017

Obituary


My mother possessed particular nobility in her character, which you and I are unlikely to find again. She was the most unselfish person I've ever met.
The way she loved was experienced by those few lucky enough to be close to Mom, Judie, or Grandma.

I asked my mother's best friend Addie Uplink, to tell me something about my mother.
Here's what she said,
"Your mother was a great daughter.
Your mother was a great sister.
Your mother was a great friend. Your mother was a great wife to your...

My mother possessed particular nobility in her character, which you and I are unlikely to find again. She was the most unselfish person I've ever met.
The way she loved was experienced by those few lucky enough to be close to Mom, Judie, or Grandma.

I asked my mother's best friend Addie Uplink, to tell me something about my mother.
Here's what she said,
"Your mother was a great daughter.
Your mother was a great sister.
Your mother was a great friend. Your mother was a great wife to your father.
Your mother was a great mother and grandmother. "


It would be an understatement to say my mother took the high road in her relationships.
It was way more than that. She lived on the high road, she slept on the high road, and she died on the high road.

The best interests of the people my mother cared about were front and center at all times in her mind and in her heart. I have no doubt that was true up to the moment she died.
Her attention was 100% focused on those she loved; it was on our joys, our hopes, our successes, our struggles, our fears, and our heartbreaks.
Our joy was her joy. Our sorrows were her sorrows; because the way my mother rocked. we were basically a team. Maybe she was team captain. The team looked out for each other. At all times.

I remember the first time I realized this, it was kind of shocking.

As we all know, you have to leave home to understand anything about your own family.

I was a college student, I'd come home, I had some problem I was worried about, can't remember now what it was.

What I do remember was being suddenly struck by something big that I hadn't ever noticed before.

It was that once I shared whatever it was I was troubled about, it was no longer the same.

It was not my problem alone. I felt a dramatic change in the terrain.

Suddenly I was on a team. And a good one too. An unstoppable team with seemingly endless resources: ideas and suggestions I'd never thought of, voluntary acts of practical service, unlimited time to problem-solve, I felt boundless encouragement and support of every imaginable form surrounding me like a protective cocoon. I knew everything would work out ok and if it didn't well.I had my team behind me anyway.

All this love was given to me without my asking for anything and it was given straight from the heart. I knew I could count on my parents, and then my mother, always.

I saw this same gift of love offered over and over again through out my life to each member of my family. The circumstances might be trivial or profound, it didn't matter whether my mother approved or didn't, agreed or disagreed. My mother was just always they're seeking to add something positive. There were a few times where all she could do was to lovingly soften a wound, but that helped too.

She very rarely wanted anything for herself. Her love hinted of the divine, as god is said to love all his children.
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At the same time, my mother's love didn't come in a fancy box with a word like Tiffany written across it. There were no obvious indications like an 18K scrolled on the back, which might alert you that what you had been given, had immense value. I'm reminded of those stories you hear about where someone who has thrown out what later turned out to be a priceless masterpiece. The usual story is that this old painting had just been around forever; in an old broken frame gathering dust so had been assumed by the family to have little value.

An unassuming and modest frame surrounded my mother's particular masterpiece too.
She too had always been around and her brilliance might easily be missed. With the passage of time, she became weakened, her frame become worn and fragile, as happens to not only people but also valuable material objects too. My mother's heart needed protection and special care to be preserved.

I recently viewed the constitution in Wash D.C. You pass thru a room, which is kept dark, in order to help preserve the old ink and fragile paper of the original document. It is housed within a glass box, which is temperature constant, and air sealed. Even with all this protection, the document continues to detonate. It was difficult to read those familiar words; I could barely make them out. I had to content myself with the realization that the contents of the document are manifest all around us, even as the original copy becomes unreadable.

It's the same way with my mother, what show stood for is manifest even when we can no longer see her. And, like the constitution, as my mother has aged, her love, her heart required and deserved our most thoughtful care and protection in order to preserve it. . And we can remember that what we value the most, merits our diligent attention and most loving care.

My mother wore two pieces of diamond jewelry at all times. One was a necklace containing her own mother's, my grandmother's, wedding diamond encircled by a heart. The other was my mother's own diamond ring from my father. My mother told me many times she wanted me to keep and cherish these heirlooms after she was no longer with me. They say diamonds are forever but these ones weren't. They were stolen right off my mother while she was unconscious in the hotspot\al. So, I don't have her jewelry but I will keep with me forever all the love her jewelry represented which will, I am certain last forever within my heart.

To everyone here who has known my mother, and was kind to her, thank you. You made her life better, her dear friend Jane Ingalls and, Margie, Elizabeth, John, Hilary, to everyone here, Judie loved you, and I hope you felt it. Spread the love around.

I am very, very grateful that alongside my brother Doug, I had the chance to give love back to my mother when she finally needed it.
Doug and I had the sacred honor of uniting as a team to talkie loving care of our beloved mother who always took care of us so thoroughly.
It was a precious time of unity for us to focus on attending to her needs rather than our own, to be sensitive and constant, to be loyal and attentive to how she felt, and what she wanted and needed and do everything possible. We became a team to create a loving cocoon for her. I am so grateful I got to give this to her. Our team was blessed with two dedicated, loving and brave caregivers, Many and Zaida and with Denise who brought them to us. You went all out for Mom, I thank you from the bottom of my heart, and I know Doug does too. I know my father thanks you too.

And to my brother Doug, who visited Mom several times a week, brought her everything she ate or drank or wore for 18 months, who came to my mother at a moment's notice, whenever she needed anything,
Dad would be very grateful to you for how you have so lovingly cared for his beloved.
I'm certain also he would be very proud of you too. Major Mench!!

And now I'm going to reveal a secret to you about my mother. I'm certain you will be very shocked as I was


My mother had a SECRET romance, which she hid from all of us.

She only told me of this secret relationship a couple years ago.

Later, I found cards and letters, which were hidden away, and I read all of them.

The shock was who this man was, as it was someone we all knew.

My mother knew true love with my father.

They were profoundly bonded to one another not only through life but also beyond.

Everything I ever learned about love,
I learned from my mother.